


Was It Worth It?

by limeon



Category: sleepyboysinc
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25287754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limeon/pseuds/limeon
Summary: An angst short based on the potato war :)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 105





	Was It Worth It?

**Author's Note:**

> Please go easy on me I seriously don’t remember how to format anything on this website.

“It’s… finally over?” He asked himself, looking at his computer screen, the blue light illuminating his face in the moderately dark room. The number on the screen, the number he longed for- 500 million. He began to notice his slightly heavy breathing. It was over. Finally done. He could go back to living his normal life. He didn’t have to spend his entire day farming potatoes on a minecraft server anymore. He could get his sleeping schedule back on track. 

So why didn’t he feel happy? Where was the excitement? Why was the only feeling he could find utter exhaustion? No peace, no fulfillment, no completion. Only a strong feeling of… regret? Was that what it was? He thought all he wanted was to win, was to  _ feel  _ triumph, and in a way, that was still all he wanted. He wanted the peaceful feelings, he wanted fulfillment, so  _ where the hell was it?  _ It wasn’t where he expected it to be. He didn’t think he’d have to look for the feeling at all, but no matter how deep he dug in his mind all he found was exhaustion. Disappointment.  _ Regret. _

He began to notice his heavy breathing again. He wasn’t sure if it had stopped while he indulged in his thoughts, or if the entire time, he had been breathing that heavily. He slowly noticed what a mess he was. What a mess he had  _ become.  _ What a mess this ‘war’ had made him. And to think he expected a good feeling once it was over.

Was it all a mistake? Did he really regret it? He won. He got the special, one-of-a-kind item. But would he even enjoy skyblock anymore? When was the last time he logged onto skyblock with a smile? The more he thought, the worse it was. The further he went, the thicker the thorns of his mind pricked his skull, the more realization hit. He would never get his feeling of nirvana from this war. 

He closed his eyes and sat back in his chair. The months spent. The days he’d forget to eat. The nights he’d look at the clock and realize it was near morning. The afternoons he’d wake up and scold himself for oversleeping. When he began fighting for the #1 spot in potato farming, he didn’t expect this. It sounded silly when he thought about it, and at first, he assumed it would be  _ fun.  _ Fun was about the opposite of what it turned out to be. It turned out to be tiring. Draining. A mistake? He wasn’t ready to cross that thought. 

What else was there? Should he call his competitor and tell him it’s over? It would be inhumane not to, wouldn’t it? To make him continue doing something  _ so mentally draining  _ that even  _ winning  _ felt like a loss. Even if the number on his screen is higher, he feels nothing but unfulfillment. 

He sent his competitor a short message from his phone. He always thought if he won he’d want to boast about it. He thought he’d feel more proud, but he still couldn’t perfectly describe how he felt. Exhaustion, fatigue, regret- he still wasn’t sure about that one-  _ unsure.  _ That was the only thing he  _ was  _ sure about- the fact that he was unsure. He looked at his computer screen once more. He found himself thinking back to how he had gotten here. The people who had aided him. The stupid things he had don.e. All for what felt like nothing. 

He decided it was time to go to bed. It was becoming light out- he hadn’t realized he had spent so long thinking. He assumed after a good night of rest, he would feel happy with himself, content with his achievements. Calling it an achievement still felt sort of wrong. 

He woke up at 3pm that day. Why did he still feel tired? And why didn’t he feel as if his goal was completed? He walked to the kitchen and made something to eat, his mind still buzzing with thoughts he was not yet ready to face. He had a headache that he couldn’t compare to any other he ever had, and he had an urge to check social media. He tried to push both thoughts to the back of his aching-mind, but to no avail. Did he have a headache because of the grueling events, or because of the painful aftermath? Of course, the events  _ caused  _ the aftermath, so either way, what had occurred caused what currently occurred. 

But could the aftermath have been avoided? Did he doom himself to wallowing in his own thoughts, or had this fate been sealed since he decided to compete in what seemed like a lighthearted game?

Of course, skyblock was still a game, but it didn’t feel like a game anymore. It felt like a job. Something he had to maintain or he’d get fired- or in this case, fall behind. But what could he do? It was over anyway, he didn’t have to log onto hypixel ever again if he didn’t want to, but he still felt the burnout. He still felt the mistakes, seeping in through his eyes and sticking like parasites to his mind. He still felt the regret, time he could never get back., and he found himself asking what he was going to do now. 

It seemed every time he managed to answer a question, five more came out from the depths of his mind. Why did it have to be like this? Why were his thoughts about his apparent triumph so confusing? The answers led to nothing but more questions, and with more questions, it became harder to identify correct answers. He sighed. How long would these bothersome feelings stick around? The war was over, there was no reason for him to still feel so bad, yet here he was. 

He found himself circling back to the word regret. Did he truly regret it? Another question he couldn’t bring himself to answer. He wanted to say no, but could he truly say no when he had now spent hours thinking about its impact on his life? Hours, days, months, all wasted, and what did he even get back for these months? He couldn’t say the satisfaction of the win, because by now, it was obvious there wouldn’t be any satisfaction, so what else was there? Would the internet even praise him? All he had done was spend his time idiotically. 

There were so many questions, the entire world seemed to get drowned out by his thoughts. All of this because of a stupid ranking on a minecraft server. The more he thought about it, the more idiotic he felt. 

As time went on he began to notice the emotion of relief. Freedom. No, this wasn’t what he initially expected, but it was better than what he had felt before. He was free. He would never have to worry about his ranking again, but no matter what he did, he still had one thought,, a thought he had been repressing since the very start. Was it really worth it?


End file.
